You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
