I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
