maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize