when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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