I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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