You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
