Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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