Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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