Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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