I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
