I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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