it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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