stop calling my apartment porn island.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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