I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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