ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
