Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
