hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
