Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
