i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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