Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
