why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
