Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
