I am in a vortex of obligation.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
