It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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