Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
