it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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