Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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