So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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