I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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