Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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