Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
