The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
