I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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