He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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