just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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