You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
