Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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