i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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