: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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