After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
