Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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