I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
