porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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