By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
