i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
