She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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