can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
