Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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