On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
