Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
