Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
