your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
