She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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