No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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