dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
