I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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