PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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