singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she peed on how many people?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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