Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
