Jerry, you need to find god
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
