he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
