PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
