I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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