I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
