I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
