i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
