She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
