She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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