i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
