Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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