It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
