so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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