u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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