He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
