nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am one with the molecules
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
