Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
