So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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