I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
