Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
