Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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