wanna go halves on a baby?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
