just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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