That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
