Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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