I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Text me some of your sweat
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize