Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
